remembering

As I was driving to the doctor's office this morning for Maddox's 9 month checkup, I flipped the radio to the local station that brodcasts NPR. As the voice on the radio listed names of the many soldiers that had been killed overseas, just in the last week, I couldn't breath. I talked to my husband yesterday so I know he is safe, but as these young men, and the wives and children they left behind were discussed, I couldn't help but think "what if?"

We are lucky, Brandon has a much safer job now than he did a few months ago, and I find myself forgetting what it was like to lie awake at night wondering what he was doing and if he was okay. Or when the phone would ring, and I would hesitate to answer because I was afraid it could be bad news. I was sure I would have gray hair by the end of this very long 12 months. Of course I still worry, but I feel like I have become somewhat numb to the danger...my way of coping maybe.